I am a man. Period. With all the fallibilities and weaknesses that accompany a man, I exist. I do not claim to be the perfect or ideal man. In the entire history of human kind, there has been only one perfect / ideal man – the supreme being if you will and that was Prabhu Sri Ramachandra.
And even he was unable to make everyone happy all the time and be ideal all the time. When he was an ideal son, he was not an ideal brother or ideal husband. When he was an ideal husband, he was not an ideal ruler… and so on.
I have never claimed to being perfect or ideal, but I do claim is that I am a good man and my heart is in the right place. Even if I am unable to convey my feelings and thoughts clearly at times, I never have bad intentions for anyone. Ever.
I have tried to be a good husband, a good father, a good son, a good son-in-law, a good brother and a good friend. But recently I have realized that I have failed miserably in everything. Possibly because, I have confused myself with the definition of good and ideal. It is OK to feel sad, angry and let down. It is also OK to not meet expectations every time as long as you are clear and upfront about it as to why you are doing what you are doing.
I always felt that I cannot let anyone down and I have to ensure that I meet everyone’s expectations else, I will lose my reputation and ruin my relation with whoever had the expectation. No. That’s not right. If the relation is so weak so as to break / ruin based on one transgression, then it was not a real and strong bond in the first place. I also know that all the interactions need to be transactional, but also realize that it is not possible for people to not remember earlier transgressions and treat every interaction as independent. But I think there is a limit to how long these things will be stretched and a person reminded of past errors.
As a man with fallibility, I am bound to make mistakes – To err is human – but it is also equally true that – to forgive is divine – In forgiveness, both sought and given is where we find true peace and love.